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It is my intention to make clear definitions for some terms that
will allow for better discussion and debate, as well as better understanding.
The definitions are my own and you may choose to use them or not. You may give
these words different definitions or you my use other words to describe the same
thing. Perhaps some other person will add a list of synonyms to the list.
I have lived a lifestyle for over 20 years that has given
me much insight into what many of the terms represent and have a good understanding
of the difficulties in discussing the many ways that people live an alternate lifestyle.
I am not attempting to describe a lifestyle or relationship by a simple definition.
I am not saying that any particular lifestyle or personality is correct, incorrect,
better, worse, truer on not truer, real or not real or make any assumption about anyone.
I am simply giving a set of definition for words that will allow for the discussion
of all of the above and much more, with a lot less confusion. It is my humble
contribution and I hope that it is of some service.
Please do not put the word true or real before any of
my definitions they are meant to stand-alone.
BDSM,
an acronym for Bondage, Discipline, Sado, Masochism. Generally used as the
overall term for any kinky activity, power exchange, or pleasure/pain activities.
It is a misnomer in that Bondage and discipline are activities and Sado masochism
are more personalities then activities.
D/S or D/s
stands for Dominance and submission. Dominance is an activity in which one
person asserts his/her will over another person. Submission in when a person
chooses to submit their will to another. This is power exchange. The term D/s
is also used to describe our alternate lifestyle and is more accurate then BDSM.
Dominant
This is a person that has a strong dominating personality. It is a personality trait.
Dominants do not use physical force they use strong leadership to command.
Submissive
This is a person that has the ability to bend their will to that of another.
The submissive would rather follow than lead. The submissive person can be quite
capable of leading and taking charge. The submissive person can choose to submit
to one, none or many others. This is a personality trait. Submissive are not weak
and do have a mind of their own. To submit your will to another you must have a will.
To give your power to another you must have power to give.
Master
A master is one that has accepted another person’s service. There is no special
knowledge required. A master does not have to be dominant, just simply willing
to lead and make decisions for the person that is willing to follow them.
A master owns a slave. If you have no slave you are a former master of future master.
I would not say that I am a car owner if I do not own a car. Master implies ownership.
Long term masters with skill and knowledge could also be called slave master or
master trainer. In that case no ownership is required. A professor is still one
even if he has no currant class to teach.
Slave
By definition slavery was abolished. If our slave runs away we can not go to the law
and demand his/her return. What we call slavery is actually consensual slavery.
The slave consents to a contractual relationship with a master. Consensual slavery
is a contract and can say anything that two people or more agree to. There is no
right way or correct way. The consent can be withdrawn at any time. If the consent
is withdrawn and the master does not honor that withdrawn consent he/she may find
out about a lot of other laws the do exist and be criminally prosecuted
Sadist
A sadist is a person that is turned on by others pain Giving pain to a masochist
is giving pleasure. Sadists can feel what others feel and enjoy their pain.
Masochist
A masochist is a person that can find erotic what is usually considered pain.
Some people have a very high tolerance for pain but do not eroticise it. It is not
a turn on. They are not masochists they simply do things that look painful for
other reasons. They may like the effect it has on others watching. We all enjoy
light touching, a masochist enjoys things harder than what most others would enjoy.
At some point a masochist will reach a pain threshold and no longer be able to
eroticise it. Then in it becomes pain to them just like everyone else. They
sometimes call it good pain and bad pain. Where our heads are at is a big factor
in how much we can take and enjoy.
You can be a sadist and a masochist at the same time. Trust
me on this one.
Bondage
is the tying up of someone usually with rope. It can be an art form. Bondage can be
used to give pleasure or pain. It can be a form of discipline. There is some form of
power exchange involved. There are many styles and reason people enjoy bondage. Bondage
in this context is a consensual act and not imprisonment. Bondage is an activity
Discipline
Discipline is an activity. Discipline is sometimes called CP or corporal punishment. It
is usually physical such as spanking. It can be non physical such as standing in a corner
or having a stern talking to. People sometimes play roles such as teacher/student. It
is sometimes called punishment.
Top and bottom
are positions in an activity. The whipper is on TOP, the whippee in on the BOTTOM.
If the master or dominant wants to try out something to see how it feels on themselves
they are on the bottom during the tryout. If I am topping for someone that is not a
slave or submissive I usually just call him or her bottom. Top and bottom are for just
the moment during the activity. Such as I toped in the spanking scene but bottomed in
the bullwhip scene.
Yours in trust,
Master Len
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