We have had a lot of stories lately, and I've been getting some good questions from my readers asking about things in the stories or how they can have a little more excitement in their relationships and single lives. So I am going to answer one of the biggest questions that we haven't talked about in a little while.

Dear Toymistress,

My wife was recently given a fetish novel and DVD from a good friend of hers that is in to this scene. We watched it together and although we were both very turned on I am very intimidated by bondage, I don't know any words I'm supposed to use or how one goes about getting IN TO this lifestyle or even dabbling in it. Please help!! Signed, Dumbfounded but curious - New York, NY

Dear Dumbfounded & Curious,

You are NOT alone; I have gotten so many questions on this topic. So I wanted to let you know that bondage fantasies are very common and normal. It is said that up to 80% of people in this world has had at least 1 or 2 bondage fantasies. When you are adventuring in to the realm of Bd/Sm related sex play you can never be too informed or too prepared.

Begin with discussing with your partner what kind of scene (experience) she and you want. Did the naughty schoolgirl squirm too much during her spanking and needs to be restrained? Does she long to lie helpless while you bring her to the brink time and time again? Will bondage set her free to enjoy those secrete yearnings of hers? Or maybe she forcing sex upon her gently makes her feel used and dirty. Many love the feeling of "bad" or "taboo" things.

When it comes to Bondage, safety should be foremost in your mind. Most novices should first consider restraining wrists and ankles, and most do not realize how easy it is to accidentally hurt your partner if you don't know what you're doing. Metal Handcuffs, silk scarves, rope and clotheslines are all bad choices for the novice.

Get yourself some thick, wide, padded restraints that distribute the pressure over a wide area so your erotic play doesn't finish in the emergency room. There are a wide variety of wrist and ankle restraints on the market. These are items where quality counts. You will get many years of enjoyment from a pair of well made leather restraints If you want to start with something less imposing, try fabric restraints with Velcro closures, The Light Bondage Set is a good one for starters. The Hog Tie Kit is an easy fun place to start if you want to mix it up a bit and Door Jam Cuffs are wonderful if you have no posts on your bed.

Here are some important safety and common sense practices that will help to ensure that your erotic experience will stay erotic.

• Never be more than an arm's length away from someone who is restrained in any way.
• Never ever leave them unattended for any reason. If you must leave the room, free them first.
• Frequently check the color and temperature of hands and feet. If they are turning pale and/or feel cold, it is time to let them loose. *Be especially careful to check frequently if hands are positioned over the head.
• Remember to offer water periodically

Hope this helps you get started and just remember to have fun and go slow if you are intimidated by this new world, you set the limits and boundaries.

Happy Playing!

XOXOX,
Toymistress